I need to stop judging

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly, because I have been doing a lot of driving by myself and my iPod gets boring after awhile. There’s this quote by Anne Frank that I frequently refer to:

“Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.”

I have noticed that I tend to judge other people too much. Not necessarily about petty things (Oh, did you SEE her new shirt? Ick!), but instead, how people treat me or treat others. Especially in situations where there was some kind of mix up. For some reason, I always judge that other person by thinking…

“Wow, I can’t believe she/he would do that!”

“She’s just a mean person.”

Etc, etc. But, I question my ability to accurately judge someone. I do believe that people are good at heart. People make mistakes. Sometimes, they do a poor job portraying themselves in their true light. For example, this past weekend, I wanted to drive home early in the afternoon on Sunday. One of my good friends had my purse from the night before (I left it at her house when we went to the bars). I texted her in the morning to let her know I would come by soon. I said, “Maybe around dinner time.” She said she may have plans during the day and would let me know her whereabouts. So, around 2 pm, I texted her letting her know that I would be by to pick up my purse before I headed back to Pittsburgh (which is a 4-hour drive and I had to work the next day). She texted me back and said that she was at the park hiking with her family. I was so upset. Now, I had to wait until she got back until I could leave. Why didn’t she let me know? Negative thoughts were running through my head.

But, then I started thinking. Were these her actual intentions? Doubtful. She is not the type of person who wouldn’t think about other people first.

Later in the evening, I arrived at her house to pick up my purse. While briefly speaking with her, I just noticed that something was off. She seemed upset. I even realized at that moment (I saw her the night before but was very much distracted) that she lost some weight since I saw her last. Then, I recalled that she recently had a bad breakup. I asked how she was doing and it was clear that she needed a friend. She was struggling and I needed to be there for her instead of judging.

So, I decided to stay and talk with her for about an hour. Instead of arriving back in Pittsburgh around 9:30, I got back around 11. She needed me and I needed her. At that moment, I realized how selfish I was being. My friend was going through a difficult stage in her life and here I was judging her for something so insignificant.

That’s why the Anne Frank quote means so much. Even though American culture almost forces us to judge (hello, reality TV), we sometimes need to stop and think. Let’s not examine someone’s actions but rather their intentions.

Maybe they are hurting. Maybe they need a friend.