It’s about time that I come clean. Not just with you, but myself. For the past year, I haven’t been doing jack about my health. Last year, when I was living in PA, I had a healthy state of mine. I was 10 lbs lighter. My clothes fit perfectly, and most importantly, I was happy. I was doing Bikram Yoga about 4-5 times a week, with a 60-day challenge thrown in there too. I was at my peak. I even gave health advice to others who were struggling and gave them tips on how to be healthy. I ran the Wellness Newsletter at my previous place of employment. I was happy and so incredibly high with self confidence.
Ever since I moved back to Ohio, I’ve had the hardest time getting back into my healthy living groove. I quit going to Bikram because it was way too far for me to drive there every day. I tried to run again, I dabbled in some weight training, and a local yoga studio, but nothing stuck. I wasn’t consistent. I haven’t been consistent for awhile. I have created every excuse in the book for why that is.
My kitchen is too small to cook anything healthy.
I have a coupon to a restaurant so I’m not going to cook tonight.
I can’t afford a membership to any fitness gym/studio.
I’m tired and need to nap.
I had a stressful day.
Blah, blah, blah. BLAH!
I am so sick and tired of telling myself these damn lies!!!! I look at that pitiful list of excuses and I feel ashamed. While the only excuse that is somewhat true is affording a membership, it shouldn’t matter. This is my health I am talking about. Money should not get in the way of me becoming healthy and happy. Last year, when people asked me how I could afford Bikram Yoga, I told them that it was either paying for yoga now or paying for medication later. Staying healthy is preventative and I prefer that to the alternative. Besides, walks are free and it doesn’t cost anything to pick up a set of free weights and do one of my Jillian Michaels videos, both of which I already own!
This is not about how I look or that I’ve gained weight. This is about how I feel. I feel like crap because my clothes don’t fit right. I feel awful that I do not have the same level of fitness I did a year ago. What has happened to me? I miss the old Julie. I miss her so freakin’ much that it hurts sometimes. And yes, I realize I just talked in third person. Whatever.
As I sit here, with tears in my eyes, typing out this post, I really hope that this is it. From this point forward, I am going to stop getting in between myself and who I want to become again. I hope that tomorrow, I will not come up with some lame excuse as to why I didn’t run. Why I didn’t go walking. Or, why I ate unhealthy.
Today, I bought a 10-pass class pass to a new-to-me hot yoga studio. I hope it works out and that I can fall in love with yoga again. And, most importantly, I hope I can fall in love with myself again.Pin It