Sometimes having a blog is difficult because you have the ability to rewind to posts which make your head spin or make you sad. A year ago today, my grandfather Larry passed away.
He was the first and only person from my family to pass away. He was a lovely man and every time I hang out with family, I think about him and wish he was there. He was such a light.
Since he has passed on, I have moved to Pittsburgh and live about 5 minutes from my grandparents house. Now, my grandmother, Shirley is in a retirement home nearby. I try to visit her on a weekly basis because her children and most of her grandchildren (except me) do not live close by. Her twin brother (my great uncle) lives close by but – as you can imagine – it’s very difficult for him to visit his twin sister in a retirement home losing her memory one day at a time. He tries to visit once every two weeks.
When I go to visit, my heart sinks a little. Since my grandfathers funeral a year ago, she has made a turn for the worse. While still young at 81 (she just celebrated a birthday), she does not know who I am anymore. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, there is some recognition. More recently, I have bluntly asked her, “Do you know who I am?” To which she replies she does not. Then, she may start crying uncontrollably about her father. Her mind has a tendency to go back in time to when she was a little girl.
It’s hard because I know she won’t get better. I just hope that in a way, she is at peace even though her mind is no where to be found. She doesn’t even remember that her husband past away last year. Even during the funeral last year (when she was better than she is now), we had to remind her of his passing and that we just buried him. Then, she would cry like she just found out for the first time.
5 years ago, she would have been super surprised to find out that by 2010, she wouldn’t know her own name or that it was her birthday on January 18. She would look at me like I was crazy.
I will continue to visit her. On the days in which she is saddest, I will take lotion from her bathroom and rub it on her hands and arms. During those visits, we sit in silence as she feels the sensation of touch. I believe that being touched by someone you love is therapeutic. During those times of no conversation, I think maybe she does know who I am. Or at least, I am someone who cares about her.
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I feel like I could have written this post about my grandmother except she lives far away.
I believe 100% though that even thought she might not remember your name… she knows who you are. And that a loving touch is good for everyone.
Hugs from Indiana.
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working with the long term care nursing profession – i can tell you that what you’re doing is an amazing thing. the mind goes, but there’s still a part that understands what love is. sometimes i think that not understanding sorrow or loss is a good thing for alzheimer’s patients. take some comfort in knowing that you are a GREAT granddaughter, and even if she can’t express it – she appreciates it.
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You are a very sweet granddaughter! I don’t have any grandparents left, but I remember my grandmother’s battle with Alzheimer’s and constantly fear it will happen to my dad. Good for you for continuing to make an effort with her – I’m sure it helps!
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What a beautiful post…brought me to tears and made me think of my grandad’s passing many years ago & how quickly after that my grandy took a turn for the worse. They were married almost 60years before he passed. Made me believe in the idea of a soul mate because once one was gone they other literally was unable to maintain. Your grandmother’s mind may not know who you are but I’m positive her heart does.
Lisa´s last blog ..The Gym
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Your a wonderful granddaughter. I can’t imagine how hard that is but I think it’s great that you still make time to see her. She might not know who you are but I’m sure she enjoys the company.
Lil’ Woman´s last blog ..Amazes Me…
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I can totally relate. And it seems it gets harder every time you see them.
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Very sweet! I can’t imagine a day when my mom or grandma won’t recognize me – but it seems to happen so often these days. She’s lucky to have such a loving granddaughter!
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I have been reading your blog for the past few weeks but I don’t think I have taken a moment to comment yet. (Sorry for that.) It is so sad when someone we love begins to slip away from us. Your grandma is amazingly lucky to have you, and you are so very lucky to have this time with her. When she “visits” her past you will likely learn things about her you never could have imagined. Big hugs to you!
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This is very very sad. I cannot imagine what it is like to witness that OR live it. He died three days after her bday? Ugh. This is definitely tough stuff…but I love you. If that helps even the slightest.
Brandi´s last blog ..Tippy Tuesday
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This is so sad… It is such a heartbreaking disease. My grandfather died of Alzheimers when I was very young and my parents wouldn’t let me see him with the rest of the family. My dad still swears that he knew his dad knew who he was and that he was there and I definitely believe him!
Thinking of you!
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My grandmother is coming up on her 90th birthday and her memory is starting to slip in much bigger ways than just forgetting where she placed things. Nothing is more heartbreaking.
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Oh, Julie, I am sorry. The most important thing is that you still go visit her. Some people wouldn’t even bother. You are a great granddaughter!!!
I tweeted you last night. Not sure if you can see my tweets since I’m private. But I sent you *hugs*
Have a great weekend!!!
SouthernBelleJM´s last blog ..Belle Interviews Port Southern Clothing!
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Wow Julie, you are such a sweet and compassionate person/granddaughter. It is such a hard thing to witness but I agree with Melinda, you are lucky that you may learn things about your grandma that otherwise you may have never discovered. Enjoy that moment
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This reminds me of my great grandma. She lived to be 100. In her last five years, she didn’t know who I was. Or worse than that, she would think I was her daughter (my Granny), who passed when I was four. That always broke my heart. The best thing that I learned to do with her, ask her to tell you stories about when she was a kid. She’ll remember those. Get her to tell you all about her childhood. My Great Grandma’s Dad worked on the railroad. She insisted when I came over that she was going back home. I asked how she was getting there, she said she would take the train! Then she said “What am I to do with the cat?” I said “Grandma, they make little boxes for cats now.” She thought that was the funniest thing. Really, just play along with her. It is easier to pretend to be in a fantasy world with her than in this one without her. *hugs* I’ve been there. Make the best of it that you can.
Lisa´s last blog ..New Blog
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One more thing, my Great Grandma passed on your Grandma’s birthday… Two years ago. Funny how the world links together like that.
Lisa´s last blog ..New Blog
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Oh Julie, this almost made me cry. My grandmother passed away when I was a freshman in undergrad from Alzheimers as well. I still remember, before her and my grandfather went to a nursing home, when we visited them in Florida, the four of us walked into their apartment. My grandmother blankly stared at my mother as she walked in, then at my sister, and then at me. But when my father walked in, her face lit up and her famous laugh burst through her lips, and she shouted “JIM!! How are you! It is so good to see you!” Such a sweet moment, I seriously believed that her moments of joy were such pure joy because she knew of nothing else but the happiness in that brief moment. I am sure your grandmother feels the same way, she is so lucky to have you.
hope all is well in pitt – xo
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Hey sweetie.. that was such a touching and heartfelt post. Hugs to you. xoxo
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My thoughts are with you sweetheart! Your grandmother is one lucky lady to have such a caring granddaughter like you! Stay strong!
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Julie, I’m crying. This is such a sweet post. I think it’s so nice of you to visit your Grandma and rub her hands with lotion. I’m going to do that for my Grandma. Thanks for the idea.
We lost my Grandpa in December and we’re currently looking for a place for my Grandma to live. It’s heart breaking. I have noticed she has taken a turn for the worse since my Grandpa passed away. The other day she asked me if I was the step daughter. Often times she thinks she’s a child. She asks for her parents everyday. It’s just all so sad.
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