Wearing Mascara

It’s been four months since I moved to Cleveland and about one month since I found myself in a new relationship. This post has been in my draft file for a long time. I hope it helps someone out there who needs it.

In recent years, I came to realize that so many people were unhappy in their relationships and did not know how to get out. In fact, on two separate occasions, I spoke with two girl friends that were in serious long term relationships. Separately, they both confided that they were unhappy for different reasons. Nothing was wrong with their boyfriends or them, but from our conversations, I realized they simply weren’t compatible. The kicker was this: 6 months later, both couples were engaged. Now, they are married.

This upsets me because clearly people in their 20’s are settling. Now, I’m sure this isn’t a jaw dropping fact, we all know this. People have been settling for years; just look at divorce rates. Now, when I say “settling” I mean that they are settling for things that are on their deal breaker list. I think that to an extent, everyone has to settle because no one is perfect. For example, if I dated a guy who was messy, I’d deal with it. Having a messy guy isn’t the end of the world because it’s something that can be worked through (and, ugh, I’m not the cleanest person in the world; just ask my mother). This might be different for you.

Granted, I feel like people in 2012 are settling a lot less than before. I know many wonderful single people who are waiting for the perfect person (for them). As I see it, we are progressing in that arena. Still though, it makes me sad to see people in relationships that they are unhappy. I know that all relationships are not a bed of roses, but they should be fulfilling in the present, and future. You should be happy enough in your relationship now in order to be happy later. If you look ahead at your identity as a couple and cringe, that’s not a good sign.

People who are unhappy in their relationships need to trust their gut instinct. If your gut is screaming at you, you are probably not in the best situation and there is someone out there better suited for you (and your partner). It’s usually not a black and white decision.

I’ve learned to always, always listen to my gut. I cannot think of one instance when my gut steered me wrong. One of the reasons I’m writing this today is this: If you are in a relationship and your gut is telling you that it’s not right, end it. Your mind may be trying to logically reason with you:

“You put too much time and energy into this relationship to give up now!”

“But no one will ever love you like him/her again.”

“But you always have so much fun together!”

“He/She/YOU will change.”

Turn away from the “logic” that your brain is feeding you. Instead, listen to your gut otherwise known as your heart. It will be really, really hard at first, as all transitions are. When you get used to someone and they are suddenly gone, it’s a loss that you must mourn. You’ll go through stages of grief but soon, you will realize your gut was right all along and you’ll come out on top.

I promise.

It’s weird to post this now, after everything I went through in 2011. But, I can honestly tell you that I am the proof behind this post. I am so incredibly happy and wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t trust my gut instinct.

<3,

Julie

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